First off, deep breath.
Yes, you. The mom with the juice stain on her shirt and a sparkle of defiance in the backseat. We see you. And more importantly—we feel you.
Your sweet little two-year-old has just stepped into the chapter the world affectionately (and somewhat fearfully) calls the “Terrible Twos.” But here’s a secret: it’s not terrible. It’s just… dramatic. Loud. Sticky. Sometimes sparkly with yogurt. Often confusing. But mostly, it’s brave.
Because what’s actually happening is this:
Your tiny human has discovered independence.
Not the calm, clean, grown-up kind.
The messy, “I-hold-it-myself-even-if-I-spill-it” kind.
The “No-no-no-mama-no!” kind.
The “let’s test all my powers on my favorite person” kind.
(That’s you, by the way.)
And oh, it’s EXHAUSTING.
You and your husband describe yourselves as emotionally stable and obedient growing up. You probably never thought you’d be outmanoeuvred in psychological warfare by a 2-year-old with applesauce on her face. But here we are. And guess what? You’re doing better than you think.
Let’s look at what’s really going on:
1. She’s not “rebellious”—she’s developing self-control (ironically by losing it).
At this age, children are learning who they are and how to express themselves. According to Dr. Tovah Klein, toddler expert and author of How Toddlers Thrive, kids push boundaries not to defy you, but to understand how the world reacts to their choices.
“They aren’t giving you a hard time. They’re having a hard time.”
— Dr. Tovah Klein
2. Her independence is a strength in disguise.
Yes, it’s frustrating when she insists on doing everything herself—especially when it ends in a juice box explosion. But trying (and failing) is how she learns.
Child psychologist Dr. Laura Markham recommends using safe, low-risk opportunities for autonomy.
Tip: Let her hold the juice box… in the kitchen. Not the car. That’s called “controlled freedom” and it’s genius.
3. Tantrums are emotional workouts.
Your child’s brain is still developing the ability to self-regulate. She’s not manipulating—she’s overwhelmed. Brain science tells us toddlers are led by the emotional limbic system, not rational logic.
Offering comfort without giving in = building emotional resilience. You’re not “spoiling” her. You’re supporting her growth.
4. It’s okay to tag in the team.
Mama, you are not alone. Grandparents, partners, snacks, screen time, and even candy—these are tools, not cheats. One or two “yes’s” from grandma aren’t going to ruin your child. But your rest and reset? Those matter.
5. You need kindness too.
From yourself.
From others.
From this letter.
Let your support system support you. Tag in that loving husband. Let the grandparents feel useful. Don’t carry it all. This is a team sport, and there’s no award for doing it solo.
So, here’s what we want to tell you, Mama:
You are allowed to feel tired.
You are allowed to ask for help.
You are allowed to take a break, eat a chocolate, hand her to daddy, and whisper, “Not it.”
You are allowed to give her one or two candies (we promise, it’s not a parenting fail—it’s strategy).
You are allowed to laugh when the day has gone sideways.
This phase? It’s not a forever thing. It’s a season. One that comes with sticky hugs, fiery tantrums, emotional roller coasters, and a thousand “I do it myself!” moments.
And your daughter?
She’s not becoming difficult.
She’s becoming herself.
Brave. Curious. Persistent. Strong-willed.
All the things that will one day make her shine.
Right now, they just make her… two.
And you?
You’re the calm, consistent, loving mama she needs—
Juice stains and all.
With so much love,
From a team who sees your tired eyes and knows they’re full of love.
